Never Ready

When the hubs and I got married nine years ago, we both decided to enjoy our time together before we had children. We also wanted to save up for a home and be stable with our jobs just to provide our family with the lifestyle we wanted. He was a full-time working student who worked long hours at work. I was a full-time student only because I had loans. I didn’t find a job with my major in education; instead, I landed in the medical field.

After six years working for a psychiatric office, it was finally time to resign because the hubs and I had our breaking point since I was such a workaholic. He wanted to start having a family because we weren’t getting any younger. He was so tired of coming home to no one since I would go back around 12 am or later. So I told him we could try next year which we kept telling others when they ask about kids. 

The only reason why I held back to having kids was that I had a medical history of seizures. My hubs was aware of my feelings and situation with my meds.  Epilepsy ran in the family, especially with my mom. My mom grew out of it, and I had this fear that I wouldn’t and depended on meds for the rest of my life. So when we planned on having our first child, I had to consult with my neurologist about the pros and cons of my meds for pregnancy. So nowadays, it’s safe to have meds while conceiving and during pregnancy. I wanted to feel reassurance that everything will be okay for the next chapter of our lives.

The other reason was stability and no matter how much I pushed off to having children it always stuck out in my head. It was always better to hear it from someone.

I will always remember what our friend’s brother said, “You’ll never be ready for it.”





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